


I don't want to go.

by stilesstillnski



Series: I don't want to go. [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-06
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-10 14:18:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/787001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilesstillnski/pseuds/stilesstillnski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles always knew running with wolves was a dangerous lifestyle and he always knew there was a possibility that someone would die but that never stopped him even though it should have. Now Stiles trapped in a sort of limbo, a limbo that forces him to witness his dad, Scott and Derek- all his family and friends in their grief. He thought life was hard but he doesn't know how much longer he can take this.</p><p> </p><p>This will be a four part story; each part showing Stiles help his friends grieve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dear Daddy.

At first it was a blinding white light. Stiles was in complete confusion. One minute he was on the hospital bed, the next he was here, wherever here was. As the minutes went on the blinding light decreased and Stiles could see where he was. He wasn't anywhere- not anymore. Well technically he was in the hospital and his time of death was exactly 6:08am. But spiritually Stiles was still there standing over his father who would never be called "Dad" again, not by Stiles anyways.

As his body was being unplugged from the life support and the doctors were trying to clear out the room Stiles couldn't help but scream. He screamed louder than he ever had when he was alive and no one heard him, no one at all. Which led him to scream more. He fell to his knees beside his hospital bed. They say the first stage of death is denial, and that's exactly what Stiles was in. He couldn't be dead, his dad needed him, Scott needed him. And Stiles needed them. How was he supposed to go this alone, whatever this was. No. He knew what this was, this is a dream. It has to be.

"Wake up. Wake up, wake up, WAKE UP!" Again Stiles let the minutes pass hoping that in the next one he would emerge from this nightmare but nothing. Soon some of the hospital attendants came to take his body to the morgue. His father wasn't allowed to follow, tests needed to be done and he would've just gotten in the way so he went home and Stiles followed.

Stiles waited in the door frame for a minute. He felt if he entered he wouldn't find the strength to leave. He did eventually enter as soon as he saw his Dad go for a bottle of Jack. Stiles had seen him grieve once before. He was young but he still remembered hearing him sob every night, the last thing Stiles wanted was for his father to grieve over his own Son. That should never have to happen. Especially not to Stiles' father. He was a good man, he didn't deserve all this pain. No one did.

As his father started his third glass Stiles could feel his rage rising. He hated feeling so helpless. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed the bottle from the table and threw it against the wall. To Stiles' surprise an impact actually happened. He always thought ghosts couldn't do anything, but he was wrong. Maybe it was the power of his rage but he knew now he could make some sort of contact. Stiles' father also seemed surprised by this occurrence, he stood up and reached for his gun in his belt but as he saw no intruders he loosened up. Stiles could see the confusion grow on his Dad's face but he also saw a glint of hope form in his eye.

"Stiles?"

Two years ago the Sheriff wouldn't do something as stupid as to try to talk with his dead son. Ghosts weren't real. But then again two years ago the sheriff thought werewolves weren't real but there they were; running around with his son. Stiles wanted so badly to respond but he didn't know how to get his father to hear him. Stiles had just opened his mouth to say something as his father spoke again.

"Stiles? I'm going crazy. You can't... you can't be here, can you?" Tears were forming in his eyes, as with Stiles, "Kid, I'm just gonna go out on a long shot and say that was you 'cause you did the same thing when your Mom died. I- I just need to tell you something. I just... I need to say it to you one last time even if you're not really here... Thank you. After your Mom died you were what held me together and I never thanked you for that. You made everyday of my life worth living. You were my reason for getting out of bed and going to work and I'm just so proud of you. Proud that you were so strong while I wasn't, so smart while nobody even thought to think. I never told you that enough but I am, I'm so proud of you Stiles."

The sheriff's head fell as he let out the sobs he's been holding in this whole time. Stiles took the steps towards him with tears in his eyes that he refused to let fall. Since his mother had died, Stiles spent every day trying to make his father proud and since the whole werewolf business he thought he had failed him, he got him fired or close to it at least every month. But hearing those words meant more to Stiles than anything.

"I love you, Dad" though the words were useless Stiles said them anyways in hope that his father would hear them. And he did, or at least he felt them. As soon as Stiles stopped speaking, his father's head rose, "I love you, Son."


	2. Goodbye, old friend.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Stiles finds himself exploring the in between he's in, he takes time to say good bye to his dearest friend.

As soon as the words left Stiles's mouth the world around him went grey and fuzzy. His father left the room even after Stiles shouted for him to stay- not to leave him to do this alone. He was terrified. What if he could never move on? What if he stayed like this forever slowly becoming a crazed spirit or some shit like that? He felt angry at himself for not knowing what to do, pissed off that he was so helpless. But as Stiles looked around his grey and fading room a picture caught his eye. A picture of him and his best friend as little kids. He knew then what he had to do. He had to say goodbye.

Walking in the deserted town was weird. He could see outlines, fuzzy silhouettes of people but he could see no faces. Stiles was separated from them- from the real world. But despite the utter confusion he felt he made his way to Scott's house without second guessing the route, just as he did for the last seventeen years.

The house was just like his own, grey and cold. No sign of anyone. Stiles made his way upstairs to the room of his buddy and saw what he had been dreading the whole way there. Scott sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. Crying. The contents of his room a mess like someone swept through the place with a leaf blower. Stiles knew his friend had a tendency to throw things when he got angry, but he never saw his room like this. 

Stiles moved closer to Scott, maybe he could sense him like his Dad did. It was worth a try. "Scott... buddy?" Nothing. "Scott, I'm here." It took a few moments but Scott looked up. But never made any contact with Stiles, his attempt had failed. Scott was now pacing his room looking as if he was about to scream the whole house down. Finally he spoke up.  
"Why did we ever have to go looking for that body? This would never have happened. You would be here!" His voice rose in those last words. A muffled sob escaped from Scott and he threw himself down on the bed again. "I should have been there for you tonight. I should have went with you. It's all my fault, buddy. I'm so sorry, Stiles. I'm so sorry."

Stiles had never seen him like this. It was unbearable for him knowing he could do nothing, absolutely nothing, to comfort his friend. All he wanted in the world right now was to speak to him, tell him it would be okay. Crack a joke like he always did. But he couldn't, and he would never be able to again. "Scott..." at those words his friend's head rose as if he heard a ghost. Which, I suppose, he did. "Scott if you can hear me, and I sure as hell hope you can or else this is really stupid, it's gonna be okay. I'm okay. Really... I'm fine. Okay, that's bullshit. I'm terrified. I don't know where I am or what's happening but I'm smart I'll get through it." By now both boys had tears streaming down their cheeks. "Scott, remember something for me, I'll always, always be here. No matter what. You still got me." 

Stiles and his buddy were now in silence. Nothing but the echo of Stiles' words in his own mind. Scott said nothing but Stiles could see he was thinking of something, maybe he wouldn't say anything but Stiles stayed anyways. Minutes passed, hours maybe, Stiles didn't really have a sense of time but finally Scott spoke up right before he closed his eyes to go to sleep, "Yeah, I still got you." And with that Stiles watched his friend drift off, and the world turned fuzzy once again.


	3. The story of his death.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles finds out what happened.

After his encounter with Scott, Stiles thought that would be it; He thought he'd finally be shown the great gates of heaven and he'd be able to deal with this new state of mind. But nothing happened, nothing at all. Scott couldn't feel his presence anymore and after many screamed attempts Stiles just got tired of trying. So he just stayed there in the limbo of the inbetween. It was slowly driving him mad. 

He alternated between his own house and Scott's, checking if they were okay. But one night Scott never came home which wasn't like him, not anymore. Stiles recalled him saying something about going to Derek's so he tried there first.

Stiles had a bad feeling as soon as he arrived to the loft, but that was hardly out of the ordinary. He heard muffled shouting behind the door. It sounded like Scott and Derek with occasional interjections from Isaac. Stiles stepped into the tension filled room even though his gut was telling him not to. 

He listened to the argument.

"This is your fault, Derek! Yours. He's dead because of you!"

"Last time I checked, Scott, he was your best friend. Your responsibility. Not mine. I was just following our plan. The plan we all agreed to go through with no matter what, even Stiles."

"Yes, but you were supposed to be there with him, look out for him. Not get distracted by your stupid sister! We had to follow the plan but that doesn't mean you couldn't have stepped in when he needed you. The plan didn't even fucking work!"

This was the first time Stiles really thought about how he died. The past couple of days he was just focused on making sure his Dad and Scott were okay, but hearing this now Stiles was starting to remember what happened. They had a plan. Stiles was bait. But- Stiles didn't want to remember.

"Guys, stop come on! This isn't going to bring him back." Isaac was stepping in at this point, clearly tired and upset from the fighting that by the looks of it was non stop. "Stiles knew it was risky, we all did. But we shouldn't be wasting time blaming Derek, we should be thinking of our next plan or someone else will die."

The plan. The plan to stop the Alphas. No matter how much Stiles didn't want to remember the memory kept pushing itself to the surface. 

The plan was risky all right; looking back on it, it was downright idiotic. Deaton had told them about a way to weaken the Alphas. When the moon was at a certain peak, the Alphas wouldn't be as strong. That combined with a rare form of Wolfs bane would give them a sure chance at killing them, ending the nightmare once and for all. The only problem was thinking of a way to get all the Alphas into the trap so it was decided to use Stiles as bait. He didn't go alone though... Derek was there. He was just too late, the Alphas used Cora as a distraction. Before Stiles could call for help or even realize not all the Alphas were there, Ethan jumped him from behind, slitting his throat. 

And Stiles died in Scott's arms an agonizing hour later, dead on arrival. 

"My best friend is dead, don't you get that? Gone. Forever. Never coming back. And... it's my fault. I should have went with him. I shouldn't have trusted you." Scott left before the others could see him cry. Isaac followed. Stiles was comforted by the thought that at least Isaac would be there for him. 

It was now just Stiles and Derek. He paced the room, frustration clearly building in him and he finally released it by smashing a glass on the wall right beside Stiles. He jumped even though he knew it couldn't hurt him. 

"He's right." Derek whispered. Stiles almost didn't hear it. "Oh God, Scott's right. It's my fault he's dead." He was speaking under his breath, Stiles had to strain his ears to hear him but the words made his heart grow heavy. Stiles now knew that three people he cared for blame themselves for his death. 

"I'm sorry, Stiles."

Before Stiles could even make an attempt to talk to him, Derek stormed from the room. Tears formed in both their eyes.


	4. It's time to go now, Pumpkin.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles has helped everyone he could and he has said his goodbyes to those he loved, now it was time to go for good. But he needs a little help.

Again with the blinding light. Stiles was getting seriously sick of it. 

But this time the light never cleared, it remained a blinding white. As his eyes adjusted he saw a figure. The more his eyes focused the more he could see; it was a women, long brown hair and she was wearing a white flowing dress. Stiles couldn't believe who the figure finally turned out to be.

It was his mother.

"Mom? Wh-what are you doing here? Where are we? What is this place?"

"You always had asked a lot of questions didn't you, pumpkin?" 

"Mom..." Stiles hadn't been called pumpkin in over ten years. The emotions tied with that one word squeezed his heart. He wanted to ask more questions but he just couldn't. His mother whom he had mourned over was standing right in front of him, right there! He could see the freckles that we're spread across her cheeks, the laugh lines around her mouth, the burn on her hand from when Stiles was rushing her to iron his lacrosse uniform. But what caught his attention the most was her smell; it was like a mixture between pancakes and roses. After she died, Stiles did all he could to preserve these little memories he had of her. He kept her perfumes and her favourite tops. He never, ever thought he see her again. Yet here she was, standing right in front of him with the same smile she always had, the most beautiful smile in the world according to Stiles.

"Oh, I wish we didn't have to meet so soon." She moved closer to him and placed her hand on his cheek. The first comfort Stiles had had in weeks. "You're just a kid, too young for all of this. I never got any grandchildren." Though she smiled, Stiles could see the pity in her eyes. No mother would ever want their kid to die so young, he had so much time ahead of him but it was all stolen.

"I'm sorry, Mom." the words were barely audible. 

"For what, hunny?"

"Letting you down. I- I never visited you as much as I should have. I put Scott's problems first, the last few months I never went to your grave."

"Stiles, do you really think I want you spending all your time there? It's far too depressing. You're only a teenager, you spent far too much time down there as it was before all this werewolf business came about."

"Yeah, I know but... I don't know I guess it comforted me. I could never talk to Dad about that stuff and even though you were gone you were still there for me. Scott was too busy with Allison and Derek is just... Derek. You were there for me and this past year I just abandoned you..." Stiles could feel his heart growing heavier and heavier, "And now I've abandoned them. Scott was my brother and I just... I left him-"

"Hunny, that's not your fault."

"But it is, Mom!" Stiles shouted. Not at her... at himself. "I should have tried! I should have fought harder in that hospital bed! I just let myself die. I should have taken the bite from Peter and then I would've been able to help. I could have helped Dad when he got hurt, I could have helped the pack more... I could've fixed everything. But I was stupid and weak-"

"Stop that!" Stiles broke from his rant to see his mother in tears. She pulled him into a warm embrace, "You did everything you could have done and more. You were there every second for your father, and Scott. Your father wouldn't have gotten through my death if it wasn't for you and Scott would not be the person he is today without you. You fixed everything and helped everyone you could. Stiles, you made me so proud."

Stiles couldn't respond, he just buried his head in his mothers shoulder. 

They stayed like that for a long time, neither one of them wanting to let go after such a long time apart. Finally Stiles raised he head and he looked at his mother. Seeing her again was the only good thing about his death. 

"What now?" he asked.

"It's time to go now, Pumpkin." 

Stiles thought about asking where but, what was the point? He wasn't going to stay here so he'd soon find out. He just took his mothers hand and followed her as she walked into more bright nothingness.


End file.
